Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
