so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
