Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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