do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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