Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
