So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
