I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
