I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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