and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
