he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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