So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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