I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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