i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
