It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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