oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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