before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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