Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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