I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Vodka?
Forever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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