He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
