Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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