Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
