Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
