New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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