You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
