Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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