woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Houston, we have a squirter
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
