They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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