Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
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i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize