Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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This tent reeks of fear and sangria
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
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She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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