I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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