Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
