Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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