yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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