I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
