I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
