hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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