I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
