Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We talked him into tasing himself.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
how drunk are you?
Several
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
