Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
