Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
