you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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