I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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