God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
