I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You were trust falling into bushes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
