first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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