just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My pussy is not your playground.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize