he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
