I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
