once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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