I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
