is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
