I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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