You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
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we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
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I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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