I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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