I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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