I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
